12 ways to stop Being Possessive

Gunjan thakurJanuary 21, 2022

Do you love her to this extent that you want to possess or have control over her just to make yourself happy? 

Do you often pick fights with your companion to bend him as per your will or become assertive over him?

Do you make her feel guilty for not spending time with you? Do you have an insecurity that her proximity to her colleagues can make her distant from you?

These are all potential signs of possessiveness which is a form of mental health issue.

No wonder, possessiveness is one of the fears of losing someone.

One of the pitfalls of any relationship is when people involved become too possessive about the other person. Any relation which is subject to control loses strength. Being possessive about your partner to some extent is an expression of love, but controlling someone is not justified for a healthy functional relationship. Obsession with possessiveness can hurt the other person and leads to a mental health problem. This is a serious issue and a lot of campaigns and Mental Health Matters sessions are being organized during Mental Health Awareness Month every year to address this problem in relationships.

So, what causes a person to be possessive?

Possessiveness can creep in any form of relation be it with partners or relation with kins. Oftentimes, a parent can go excessively possessive about his/her grown-up offspring with the fear of losing the kid to his/her better half. A partner can go possessive about the other one in a way that the relation itself fades away. Since control is in no way a form of expressing love.

Have you ever wondered what triggers a person to go possessive? This sort of behavior can sneak in because of a range of factors that differ from individual to individual. It may be a past trauma that makes a person scared of such potential threats in life. For some, it may be an utter feeling of insecurity or trust issues and thus tends to control the other person by force to feel a sense of security. It might be because of some innate flaws in character which have never been addressed earlier.

Well, you can also think of genetic factors as another reason for possessiveness. Kids who grow up seeing parents being extremely “dependent” on each other or one parent to be dependent on the other inculcate the same value system. In such scenarios, they are not able to move on with their own life. They lack self-confidence and self-love in a way that they tend to compensate for that with their partners.

Here are a few reasons to reflect on been possessiveness: 

Insecurity: Insecurity can be counted as a significant factor for possessiveness where one doubts his/her relationship. This just leads to doing things that shouldn’t be done thus ending the relationship in a crash.

Trust issues: Another prevalent factor of possessiveness that is just inversely proportional to love is trust. Love is a very difficult thing if you don’t know how to trust your partner. A child who felt abandoned from early childhood experience may create tension in a relationship leading to self-doubts and projecting it on their partner.

Hidden fear: You might have a hidden fear of losing someone special in life and this makes you possessive by nature.

Desire: Well, desires know no bounds and it is this nature of humans that drives them to become possessive over the other person.

Possessiveness can be a personality disorder or a mental health issue. If you have some past scars deep within you, which you have either discounted or procrastinated on, you might tend to be possessive in the present. Without even experiencing the present, your past bitter experiences can change your personality to drive you possessive. More so, your unaddressed mental health problem might trigger mood swings which may cause you to go possessive about your partner. Victims of mental health disorders exhibit extreme possessiveness to evade perceived abandonment. Each year millions face this reality and thus join mental health awareness programs during Mental Health Awareness Month to raise awareness.

Possessiveness stems from a bunch of insecurities about attachment styles. Attachment anxiety is another mental health issue that leads your partner to be possessive. He/she might have a lower trust level and can invade your privacy by checking your emails/social media posts and mobile phone. He/she might excuse this behavioral issue for not telling him/her enough.

Now that we have seen what causes possessiveness, let us briefly understand the signs of possessiveness.

Possessiveness can be mild, medium to severe making a person affectionate to control abusive behavior depending on the intensity.

Some of the early signs of possessiveness are:

• Is your partner keeping track of your schedule? Are you being questioned now and then about your whereabouts? Your partner can be informed about major schedule changes, but for smaller things, in your life, your partner might be controlling your life too much. He/she might be taking out previous insecurities on you.
• Your partner might be extremely possessive to control your time. To foster a healthy relationship, you need to breathe your own space and time also.
• Your partner might not want you to spend time with your close friends or family members.
• Your partner might want you to hand over your salary to him/her.
• Your partner might force you to wear what he/she likes and can often express distaste towards what you wear.

How to deal with possessiveness

The world is not an end if your partner is possessive. Always remember, he/she loves you and thus makes him/her scared of losing you. However, when it is a mental health issue or a personality disorder, it has to be taken seriously.

1. Try to focus on important affairs of life rather than cribbing over trifle matters.
2. Occupy yourself and keep yourself busy as much as possible.
3. Don’t exert your supremacy on your partner. Rather, give her/him some valuable space and time to make them her/him the importance of this relationship.
4. It is in your hand to save your relationship; put a break on your behavior to save the relationship from getting crashed.
5. Do not try to dominate! Do a proper introspection about your behavior.
6. Talk, talk and talk! You can’t imagine how situations can change phenomenally with open discussion. Talk calmly about your feelings to your partner.
7. Forget the past even if you have been cheated or lied before. This is a new relationship and needs a fresh start.
8. Try to get to the root. Is possessiveness your symptom from childhood? Figure out what’s causing this.
9. No need to be overbearing and needy. By being so, you will push your partner away.
10. Spend more time with each other. Don’t engage much in social media and then start spying your partner. Rather, try to spend quality time with each other.
11. Consult a mental health worker if you need further assistance. There is no shame, it’s a sense of accountability towards you and your loved ones.
12. Practice mindfulness to soothe your mind. This deep practice will tranquil your mind.

Talk to us at Tava-Mitram where we offer group coaching techniques to help you understand your mental health difficulty.

You can save your relationship by working on your mental health challenge and overcoming possessiveness. We are a non-profit organization that will show you directions for you to deal with possessiveness and come out of it.  We will support you to make you harness your true potential to come out of trauma, conflicts, or acrimonious experiences in life. Trust us, it is just a shift of your mental state that can make you do away with your need to live with the lingering consequences of bitter experiences in life.

We encourage you to join our free certification program – My Mental Health My Priority which has helped many beautiful people like you to save their relationship and make it bloom in its full throttle.

We understand how valuable a relationship can be for you! We acknowledge from the inner core that you do love your partner and cannot afford to lose her/him because of your possessiveness. Thus, believe in us to find happiness within, dealing with such feelings of insecurity and self-conflict, eradicating negative thoughts, and overcoming overthinking with the help of self-motivation techniques.

We have Dr. Paras and Ekktaa who trust in the power of group sessions. Dr. Paras, Ekktaa, and his Team of Mitra-coaches, through years of experience, know-how to add a personal touch and make you realize your true potential through a healthy exchange of energies. Yes! your life can truly change! To know more, do not give a second thought to write to us at info@tavamitram.org. We are right here at Tava-Mitram to hear you, to bring back the life in you!